Welcome! Nuestra Casa Es Su Casa ...Our house is your house

A glimpse into the life of Daniel and Jaynee Lockwood and their 12 precious blessings. Thank you for visiting; we pray that what we share here may always bring glory to our wonderful God and Saviour. May you praise the Lord with us for the great things He has done and continues to do as we serve Him sharing the gospel here in the little town of Cuidad Insurgentes, BCS Mexico. He alone is good and faithful!

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Twenty Years

20 years ago today, I married my very best friend! We were so young and so "in love" and full of so many hopes and dreams. I was soooo excited that day knowing that we would no longer have to say "good bye" and wait until the next day to see each other.
20 years ago today, I stood before God, my soon to be husband, our families and friends and vowed for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish till death do us part.
 During the past 20 years there have been soooooo many "better" times. The Lord is so good and gracious and has daily poured out so many of his blessings upon us.
But, like in any marriage, there have been some "worse" times. A married couple walking in the Spirit together is beautiful! A married couple walking after the flesh...whether it's one or the other or both...isn't so beautiful!
There are still a lot of birthdays celebrated today for the young and old alike, but there are not too many anniversaries and the ones that are celebrated hardly make it past the first decade.
 There isn't a whole lot of encouragement for struggling couples to stay together. Marriage vows seem to mean so little. And there are hurting and broken hearts of men, women, and children everywhere. And as our families suffer, our nation suffers.
Satan is a deceiver, a divider, a destroyer. God put man and woman in the garden and said that two become one flesh and that this is VERY GOOD. Satan says it is not good. That it is only good if that man or woman treats me that way I want to be treated and doesn't hurt me too much. And that really, what God said is good, well it would be much better if you were with someone else or by yourself. Satan says it would be better for the children, better for you...it would be so much better to not have to suffer like you have been.
 In 20 years, I have known the sheer utter misery of thinking about following my own desires. Those that seem to be so good and right.
But praise the Lord, in 20 years, I have known the most deepest, richest, wonderful joy of following God's way. I've known the peace that only comes from Him. To forgive and be forgiven. To LOVE! Not the "in love" feeling that I had on my marriage day (although that is still there too) but that deep, amazing love that only God can work in the heart of a couple that are committed to Him and to each other.
 20 years ago , I was 22 years old and woke up in the arms of my 22 year old husband.
Today, I am 42 years old and woke up in the arms of my 42 year old husband.
And it is sooooooooooooooooooo good!!!!
 Today twelve children are giddy with excitement because it's mommy and daddy's anniversary. They gave me hugs, want to know what we are going to do, want to decorate the house, celebrate with us, and it brought tears to my eyes when one of them said, "I can't wait to have what you and daddy have together".
It hasn't been easy, but it's been soooooooooooooo very good!!!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Not hiding....Healing

Many people have followed your journey, prayed for you, contributed to your vision. I think many people would like an update on how you are really doing and how you are coping with the changes in your life. The thing with Christians is that when things are not "good" they hide that part away thus keeping others from learning how to deal in the rough times. We hide behind a mask and lie to others & our own selves. It really is sad because there is so much to be learned from those who have walked a tough walk.

This in an anonymous comment I received the other day very much like others I have received during the course of the past months.  I'm not sure if they represent how many people are feeling or just a select few.  I haven't responded to them.  Today I would like to reply.

I have always been so very thankful for those who have loved, prayed for, and encouraged our family throughout the years.  True friends are a treasure that far exceeds any material possession.  I'm know there are still many people who think of and pray for our family.  Thank you.
And there are probably many, many people who have wondered or continue to wonder how we are doing.  I know if I were in their shoes, I would too.
Yes, many times people do hide parts that aren't good.  Often, for fear of pain or rejection or numerous other reasons, people portray only what they want others to think about themselves even if it's a far cry from what's truly going on inside.
I know I have been guilty of that many times in my life.
But that is not what I want to do.  And it is not my reason for not updating here.

Only those who have experienced first hand the pain and emotions that one goes through when going through what our family has gone/is going through can truly understand.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually...everything is tried and affected.

I love my God, Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I love my husband.  I love my children.  And the past year, I have needed to focus entirely on my relationship with the Lord, my marriage, my family, and working through all the pain and issues that needed to be dealt with that healing may come.  It is a very, very hard road.  It is like being on a roller coaster ride with huge dips and turns and dives (only without the thrill/fun) that seems never ending.  Just when your stomach slightly recovers from one loop, another one is about to happen.

I'm not hiding.  I don't want anyone to think I am something I am not.  I am a Christian who loves the Lord and has had to cling to Him and come to know Him like never before.  I am a wife who is working through some incredible hurts.  I am a wife who is working through many sins in her own life that the Lord keeps weeding out.  I am a mom who needs to be there for her children...there to help them adjust to a new home/country, keep them going on school, keep clothes and house clean, tummies fed, and ear open to listen.

Tears, questions, confusion, discouragement,  anger, pain....hope, surrender, faith, obedience, peace.  So much.   And the Lord is carrying us through.
I haven't been hiding.  I've just need to focus my time and energy on what's most needed.  Some days it has felt like just trying to survive.  Wondering if life will ever feel normal again or what normal even is.  Wondering if there will ever be good days.  Wanting to get off this ride. Wanting the healing to be complete.
But it is something you can't rush.
God makes all things beautiful in His time.  We have the Wonderful Counselor.  And He has promised that we will never be alone.  He will walk this journey with us.  And there have been good days. 
As I journey, I have journal-ed, but privately. There are things that I think or feel one day that in time,  I come to see very differently.  There are honest, raw feelings that I need to only share with the Lord or with Daniel or maybe with our pastor or close friend.  It isn't because I want to hide, but because it just isn't the time or place.
Will I ever share more?  If the Lord wants me to someday, I will.  Yes, others are helped when we are open about what we have gone through and how the Lord helped us.  If He wants me to someday, I will.

I hope that helps you understand.  Thank you for praying for us.  

Thursday, October 09, 2014

Happy 18th Birthday, Timothy!

Eighteen years ago today, Timothy was born.
And I became a mommy.
And Daniel became a daddy.
And our parents became grandparents.
And our 15 siblings became aunts and uncles.
That was one special day!
 Those years have flown by so fast!
Timothy, who gave you permission to grow up?
 I miss you so much, but am so very proud of the man you have become and will continue to become.
I'm so thankful for the Lord's grace.  We went into parenting thinking we knew so much yet we knew so very little.  The Lord has taught us so much.  And I know now how much I need Him!
But when I look at you, through all those years, God's grace was at work.
You are so loved!  And I can't wait to see what plans the Lord has for you.

 Not only have you been an amazing son, you have filled the role of brother to 11 so well that we still feel a bit lost without you here.
All those times you comforted a crying sister, played with your brothers, sat down to teach Eliseo to read, carried a sleeping younger one to bed, helped tie a shoe, shared your bed, your clothes, yourself...
You are much more than a brother.  You are a  best friend.
 I can't wait to hear you and Elijah play guitar and sing together again.
 You two have kept your dad and I laughing for years! 
 You are a friend to everyone.  Want everyone to be happy.
Outgoing and soooo handsome like your dad.

 Seek the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.
Love Him above all.
Obey His Word.

 We pray for you every day.

 Happy 18th birthday, Timothy!

Monday, October 06, 2014

So good

The Lord is so faithful....
 Every Single Day I see His goodness...
 And I am so thankful.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

One comes home and one leaves home

Thank you for praying for Daniel.  He's home now and doing well.  The doctor called it an acute pancreatic attack with no known cause.  All Daniel knows is that it felt awful, and he hopes it doesn't happen again.  So thankful that he is feeling better,  and thank you again so much for praying.

Friday, we dropped Timothy off at West Coast Baptist College.  That was NOT easy!  Elijah and Samuel went with us.  Samuel thought the 3 hour orientation that we sat through was "college".   After getting Timothy all settled in his dorm, we walked together to the car.  I told Samuel to say good-bye to brother.  He looked at me and said, "I thought college was done?"    When I told him Timothy had a lot more college to do and when he suddenly realized that Timothy was not getting back into the car with us, he said, "We aren't going to have 12 children anymore?  Only 11?"    As I looked at 5 year old Samuel, a flood of memories washed over me.  Wasn't it just yesterday that I started Timothy in Kindergarten?  Did I just take him to the park, push him on the swings, watch him bat a ball to his brother, and help him match his clothes...wait...maybe I still do the last one. :)     So proud, so excited, and soooo missing him!   Thankfully he's only a phone call/email away and most importantly, always in the loving care of our Lord!

Lancaster, CA is hot, dry, windy, flat desert.  Just like Baja Sur....we felt right at home.  This coming week, Timothy will register for his classes and begin looking for a job.  We continue to pray for the Lord to protect, guide, and provide for Timothy's every need.   
It's strange how there are still 13 people in this house, yet it feels sort of empty today.  Our table is a little less squished.  Somehow I managed to dish up 14 plates for lunch today.  I promised I counted 13.  At least I thought I did.  This will take some getting use to.  I'm looking forward to Christmas this year more than ever.  

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."  III John 4

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Please pray for Daniel....he's in the hospital

I know it has been awhile :)  Most days I get a comment or email letting me know we are being prayed for and thought of and missed.  And I am so grateful for those prayers and the care of so many.

We are all doing well...well, except for Daniel who's in the hospital right now.  He's been out of town working and got a severe case of pancreatitis.  Thankfully, he's working with his brother in law and he got him to the ER early Tuesday morning.  They thought at first he was having a heart attack, but later determined it was abdominal and the tests pointed to his pancreas.  He's stable, but in a lot of pain, and on a complete fast in order to let his pancreas heal.  He's about 3 1/2 hours from us.  I just want to be with him, and am hoping to get down there by this evening.  Please pray.

  Timothy and Elijah graduated this year, and last week a dear friend of mine, who is also an amazing photographer, got together with us for a photo shoot.  We hadn't had a family picture taken in 3 years, so this was so special.  She took individuals of the children, shots of the brothers, the sisters, Daniel and I, and several of Timothy and Elijah for their Senior pictures.  Sweet pictures, fun pictures, and everything in between.  I think we were out there for about 3 hours.  I can't wait to get our disc and will be sure to share some with you all when I get them.
Timothy is heading to Bible college this week.  If Daniel's still in the hospital, I'll be driving him there myself.  I'm so very proud, excited, sad, and missing him all at once.

We started our new school year last week, but are taking a break this week with Daniel's situation and getting Timothy ready to go.  We'll start back up, Lord willing, after Labor Day and am excited about another year to learn and grow together.

The path has been long and hard, but there are so many beautiful sights along the way.  We appreciate your prayers so much.  God is so very faithful and so good!

Saturday, June 14, 2014

I said I would share my story

But sometimes the pages of the story are hard to read and the ending unknown.   I know who the Author is.   And I'm trusting and resting on him. When the days are weary and the long nights dreary I know my Savior cares.   Looking forward to the day I can a story that brings glory to God.   He is so faithful and so good.
Please continue pray for us.